A Mr. Mulliner story featuring his nephew Archibald.

This is a sequel to "Archibald and the Masses." Archibald has been released from jail and he and Aurelia Cammarleigh are now engaged.

There is something amiss, though, Aurelia, lately, has been quite cold to Archibald. When he speaks of his love for her, she replies "Ho-hum." Has her steaming love gone off the boil? For more insight into feminine matters, he feels it is time to go see his mother for advice. At her house Archibald went around back to her favorite room where she liked to sit and approaching the French windows saw an amazing sight.

His mother was sitting in her chair with her tongue hanging out, panting wildly like a dog who had run a mile, making a horrible ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha sound, such as hysterics. She would then begin to say the letter "Q" poking her lips out, and then say the letter "X" drawing her jowls up so tight in a sardonic grin. She would repeat this "QX, QX, QX" until it gave Archibald the impression that she had gone off her rocker, and he turned and staggered back to his car and left.

What if he inherited this physical ailment? What if, at the wedding, he was asked if he took Aurelia to be his wife and he replied "QX, QX, QX?" The ramifications boggled his mind. He could not marry Aurelia who would want children, and how was he to say that they, too, would not have little QX's running around the house? Archibald came to his conclusion. He could not, from his gentlemanly duty, marry Aurelia. He must break it off.

But, this was not an easy task as it was the code of the Mulliners that a male of the contracting party could not break it off. He had to do something to make Aurelia do this. She felt only love and affection for her father and if some outside took liberties with father, Aurelia would react in kind. That was it. Archibald would insult her father and the rest would be up to Aurelia.

This would take some doing, though, because her father was not one of these simpering souls that one justs pinches his nose and says "Ah ha." He was an ex-colonial governor used to giving orders and having them obeyed, regardless.

At dinner that night, Archibald decided to take any leads that were open to him. Aurelia's father, Sir Rackstraw Cammarleigh, was as the head of the table and being quite the center of attention, as he was used to. He was telling of his exploits.

It came to the story of how he hunted rhinoceros in Bongo-Bongo, and said, "Stop me if you've heard this, but...." And Archibald took this as his cue to yell "Stop!" There was a sudden silence at the table. No one had ever interrupted one of father's tales. No one dared. "I beg your pardon," said Sir Rackstraw, incredulous.

Archibald hauled up his slacks to explain that Sir Rackstraw had said to stop him if anyone had heard the story, and he had heard this story now six times. So he stopped him. He went on to say how boring the story was and if Rackstraw had more rhinoceros stories, or any other kind from his past, that he could spare the group this tedium.

Archibald had his say and scooted his chair back and prepared for the worst barrage of verbal abuse he was entitled to. The results were not of this sort. Aurelia's mother quietly said, "Thank you, Archibald." She had not the nerve to do what he had just done. Aurelia agreed with this, and the butler chipped in to say he had heard the same story 106 times in his vast years with Sir Rackstraw.

When Sir Rackstraw finally was able to quit sounding like the putt-putt of a motor-bike, his wife told him how much his club thought him a bore, and he should stop telling these laborious tales. She told him he was shunned at the club. It was after minutes of reflection that Sir Rackstraw had to admit that the circle in which he told these tales was becoming smaller and smaller.

He was now indebted to Archibald for causing him to see the light. They all thanked Archibald profusely and Aurelia's love quadrupled. She asked him if he noticed how somewhat cold she had been to him lately. The reason was that she was turned off by the thought that Archibald cowered before her father. But now, after this splendid exhibition of stern rebuke, she could see that he was a man to contend with. She asked that he dine with her at the Savoy the next day, and they would celebrate.

The next day, Archibald went round to the local theatrical agency. His idea was to find some woman who pretend to be a spurned ex-lover and come to the Savoy as he and Aurelia ate, and denounce him. This would certainly cause Aurelia to break the engagement.

The actress Archibald found had a repertoire of denouncing speeches she had from previous plays. She would make him look like a rat from the underground. They agreed on a time that she would arrive and Archibald went to prepare for dinner.

At the Savoy, Archibald and Aurelia sat eating, though the conversation was rather one-sided because Archibald kept staring at the door with his attention elsewhere. The front door opened, but rather than the actress he had hired, he saw, of all people, his mother accompanied by an elderly man, her date.

Aurelia pointed out that Archibald's mom looked very nice, and that her facial exercises must be working. "Facial exercises?" asks Archibald. Aurelia says yes that the person must first pant like a dog, very hard, for twenty minutes. This is followed by saying "Q" then "X" repeatedly to stretch and tighten the facial muscles.

Archibald froze in his seat. It now dawned on him that all those antics that he saw his mother doing were nothing but facial exercises. And now she and a host of other people were going to get the show of shows when the actress he hired makes her entrance and denounces him. Suddenly, he saw the actress walk in the front door and begin looking around.

Archibald left his seat to run up to her. He figured if he could grab her arm and hoist her outside, he could explain to her the act had been cancelled.
Instead, she spoke to him in a soft, hoarse whisper. The reason for this was that she had tried a special facial exercise one performs by saying "QX" and it had left her without voice. She apologized that she would not be able to give full reign to the denouncing, and Archibald, relieved, said that was all right and that he would pay her later. Then she exited.

He returned to his seat and told Aurelia that this woman had been one of his old nurses from youth. So, he and Aurelia were still scheduled for the walk down the aisle.