A Drones Club tale, featuring Freddie Widgeon.

A stray cat wandered into the Drones Club causing Freddie Widgeon to rise from his seat and stalk out the door in a huff. The amazement at this behavior caused a Crumpet to tell of the love affair that Freddie had with Dahlia Prenderby.

Dahlia and Freddie were getting along quite well and she invited him up to her ancestral home called Matcham Scratchings to meet her parents, Sir Mortimer and Lady Prenderby. Freddie arrived late and found he need hurry to his room to dress for dinner. He laid his garments on the bed, but as he came from the bath, found a cat kneading its paws and claws in the fine threads of his dress shirt.

Freddie shrieked and, grabbing the cat, ran to the balcony his room overlooked and heaved it. He heard a loud scream and found he had hit Sir Mortimer Prenderby as he descended the stairs. Freddie apologized but judging from the "Dam' fool" and "go to blazes" he received in return, Freddie had pulled his first floater.

Freddie found that the name of the estate Matcham Scratchings was by no means inappropriate. It was a seething mass of dumb chums. After dinner where he equally offended Lady Prenderby by lauding the grounds for its hunting merits and she replied her abhorrence of all "blood sports," Freddie repaired to the drawing room where his hosts gathered and proceeded to step on exposed cat tails, sit on cats hidden in the sofa, and generally create a cacophony of cat cries that became a symphony of yowls.

Dahlia, who observed this from across the room now acted coldly to Freddie and made the comment that one never knows a person until they have been invited to their home. The evening concluded and Freddie could return to his room, though this did not conclude his encounters with the animal residents. He found a large, whacking Alsatian dog on his bed and, judging from his curled lip and exposed teeth, was not receptive to the idea of giving up the bed. He appeared to be doing something, but Freddie was not in the mood to make chummy inquiries.

Suddenly, a walking dust mop appeared from under the bed and Freddie recognized the ball of fur as that of a Pekingese. The Alsatian descended to the floor to sniff and investigate this mop, and regretted it because there is no animal so quick to take offense to familiarity than a Peke, and a series of barks, growls and snapping teeth sent the Alsatian running out the door, which Freddie got up and closed.

Freddie became friends with the Peke and handed him his tie to play with. The Peke took it in her teeth and shook her head. The head shaking came too close to the leg of the bed and she banged her head causing the Peke to let out a series of yowls, whines, and other painful cries, and this brought a knock on the door. Freddie heard several people whispering, and then came the voice of the butler. He said he wished to retrieve the animal that Lady Prenderby said Freddie was torturing. He added that Lady Prenderby would report this event to the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

Freddie opened the door and allowed the Peke to join the rescue party. He closed the door and turned to his bed where he found what the Alsatian had been nuzzling, viz. a dead cat. In no mood to be accused of having killed the cat, Freddie took it by the tail and, with several preparatory swings, loosed the cat out the balcony window. In the still of the night he immediately heard "Who threw that cat?" He had hit Sir Mortimer who was outside resting in his hammock.

Sir Mortimer's screams brought Lady Prenderby out on her balcony and they ascertained that the cat had come from the balcony adjoining hers. This, Lady Prenderby pointed out, was the balcony of their sadistic guest, Freddie Widgeon. Sir Mortimer called for his horsewhip and the turmoil ended with Freddie making a swift departure without the hint of parting words.

And that, said the Crumpet, is why Freddie Widgeon, upon seeing the cat enter the smoking room of the Drones Club, was determined to say good-bye to all cats.