A S.F. Ukridge tale, as told by Corky Corcoran.

Stanley Ukridge and his best friend Corky Corcoran walked the streets of London. Stanley was expounding on the virtues of "you can't accumulate if you can't speculate," and the protagonist in this case was he, Stanley Featherstonehaugh Ukridge who, as usual, had not the capital to speculate with.

He was again living at his aunt Julia's and told Corky how he admired her prized collection of silver snuff boxes and how his innate sense of honesty kept him from pinching one to use as capital. To this Corky replies, "Oh? You mean their locked up."

Suddenly, Stanley jumps into an alley, dragging Corky with him. Corky of course assumes Ukridge has spotted one of his many creditors. Not so. He had seen an attractive young lady holding a tray of paper flowers she was selling on the streets to benefit some charity. Stanley had no money to offer and avoided the moment of embarrassment.

The subject of discussion now turned to the number of young salesladies like this on the streets of London, and anyone would be hard pressed not to contribute to their cause. He added that one never questions what the benefit is, and that, for all he knew, one could be contributing to a cause they totally disagreed with.

Once the flower seller had passed, Ukridge bid Corky farewell and asked him to come to his aunt Julia's the next day. His aunt had donated her estate grounds to an all-day charity bazaar for the Temperance League. Corky could keep Ukridge company while he viewed the proceedings from the sitting room's French doors.

Corky tried to back out stating that Ukridge's aunt Julia, with her no-nonsense and exacting demeanor, made him nervous. Stanley assured him that Julia would not be there because she had to go on a last-minute lecture tour and left him to host the grounds.

The next day, when Corky arrived at Wimbledon Common where Julia had her estate, Heath House, he noticed the grounds was alive with tents and people. Immediately a young lady with a paper-flower tray approached him. "Buttercup Day. Buy a flower for Buttercup Day," she urged Corky. She began pinning the flower to his lapel as he dipped into his pocket for a coin to give her.

He went through the open French doors where he saw Ukridge sitting, observing the grounds. As Stanley greeted Corky he remarked on the paper flower in his lapel. Corky said that, yes, a young lady was selling them in aid of some charity. Ukridge informed Corky that he, Stanley, was that charity.

Ukridge got the idea of having one of the street urchins sell paper flowers and calling it "Buttercup Day." There was no such charity and Ukridge would collect all the proceeds. Corky remarked that Ukridge would be a charity if the girl sold one of the flowers to a plainclothes policeman.

As they speak, Julia's butler interrupts telling them that a gentleman, a curate, wishes to speak to them. Ukridge consents to this and the gentleman enters the sitting room and speaks with a stutter. The curate's purpose was to tell Ukridge that he felt there was underhanded work going on at the bazaar. He said a young woman was selling paper flowers under false pretenses.

The actual "Buttercup Day," said the curate, was the flag day of some orthopaedic society and would not occur for months. The curate felt that the police should be called to arrest her. This made Ukridge jump up from his chair, grab Corky, and lead him to the door. He whispered to Corky to go find the girl and tell her to leg it. He then said loudly, so the curate would hear, for Corky to go find a policeman. Corky said loudly that he would, and exited.

Corky ran to the front door when it opened revealing Ukridge's aunt Julia. She eyed Corky questioningly and asked what he was doing at her house. He replied he was visiting Stanley, who was in the sitting room. Julia swept past Corky to find Stanley. Corky followed.

In the sitting room they found the curate had gone and Stanley was sound asleep in his chair. He could not be awakened. Suddenly, they heard a knock on the open door and a small man entered. He said he was a Mr. Dawson from Scotland Yard and that he was there to catch Stuttering Sam.

Corky informed him that a curate had been there and he stuttered. Aunt Julia said she was concerned about her snuff box collection. They all went to the drawing room to find that the snuff box case was shattered and her collection stolen.

Mr. Dawson said that it was a sure sign of Stuttering Sam. He asked if there were more valuables in the house. Aunt Julia said she had her family jewels. Dawson asked where she kept them and she replied in her bedroom, in the dress cupboard.

Dawson said he would go see if they were missing and told aunt Julia to remain in the drawing room and make a list of all that had been stolen. He then left the room, closing the door behind him.

Aunt Julia, not having Ukridge to reprimand, began asking Corky in a haughty manner why he had not suspected the curate. As she did this she looked around the room and let out a scream. Her jade Buddha was also missing. She told Corky to go tell the detective this.

As Corky grasped the door handle, he found it would not open. Julia pushed him aside and discovered the door was jammed shut. She commanded that Corky yell for help, and he did so. She urged him to do it louder. He did.

Outside the jammed door came the groggy voice of Ukridge. Julia told him to open the door. He replied that it had a wedge jammed beneath it and that he would have to get tools. Some minutes later some banging came on the door and it opened. There was Ukridge and behind him the butler.

Aunt Julia yelled at the butler as to why he was not around to help. He replied that a man with a gun had locked him in the coal cellar. Letting out a disgusted sound, Julia ran past him to go upstairs to her bedroom.

Ukridge wanted to know what was going on and Corky informed him that the curate had put knock-out drops in his drink. Further inspection deduced that the curate and detective were crooks and that they might get aunt Julia's jewels in her bedroom. A resounding scream from her bedroom told Ukridge and Corky that this was indeed the case. Corky then quickly exited, leaving Ukridge to deal with his aunt and her temperament.

The next day Ukridge came to Corky's flat, looking rather worn. His aunt had evicted him again from her house and he was now forced to live in his customary Ukridge style. Corky reminded him that he still had the proceeds the Buttercup Day girl had gathered. Ukridge shook his head.

It seems that the stuttering curate had confronted the girl and threatened to call the police to have her arrested. She then quickly shoved all the flowers and money in the curate's hands and ran off.

Ukridge then asked Corky to mix him a drink and added to make it strong.