An S.F. Ukridge story as told by Ukridge to Corky.

When Corky Corcoran looks at his watch while sitting in Ukridge's parlor and notes that it is 3:00 a.m., he realizes Ukridge has kept him up with his wandering tales and get-rich-schemes.

Ukridge bemoans the fact that were it not for Fate, or in this case a top hat, that he would be rolling in money. It all had to do with Mabel. "Mabel who?" Corky asks, mistakenly. The answer will keep him up for the rest of the night.

Mabel, begins Ukridge, was the daughter of a man who made his riches in Singapore, and this caused Stanley to fall in love with her at a party at his aunt Julia's. This was one of those brief sojourns Ukridge made under aunt Julia's auspices, but when she found he had been pawning her mantelpiece clock to get money for the races, she bunged him out on his ear.

Stanley had made a hit with Mabel, though, in this brief period, and they had a date to meet at Ascot. The requisite apparel to attend Ascot is a topper, and Ukridge had a good one he got using aunt Julia's money. He had the hat and, with a fiver he borrowed from pal George ("Tuppy") Tupper, Ascot would be a breeze.

The breeze, however, did him no good because it was while strolling down the street, wearing the topper, that an unexpected wind caught Ukridge's prized possession and blew it out into the traffic and was crushed by an omnibus.

Ukridge returned to Tuppy's place of business to ask to borrow more money. Though he didn't tell Tuppy, he would use it to buy another hat. Tuppy was in a foul mood and adamant about not giving Ukridge the money. As Ukridge exited the office he noticed Tuppy's own top hat by the door and swept it up, unseen, as he went out.

Now he was again on his own living in a humble flat and, true to Stanley's creative use of money that most landlords do not understand, he owed the landlady, Mrs. Beale, several month's back rent. It was back at his flat that she appeared suddenly, wanting full payment. Ukridge attempted to persuade her to be patient, but noting the topper Stanley had sitting there, she scooped it up and confiscated it until the rent was paid.

A letter came to Stanley from Mabel reminding him to be sure to meet her at Ascot. Ukridge also knew there was a rival gentleman, a Baronet, who was vying for her attentions. He knew he must at least make Ascot if he were to stay in the running.

George Tupper later appears at Ukridge's door informing him that his top hat is missing and had Stanley by chance seen it. Ukridge replies in the negative. Tuppy's real reason for dropping by was to tell him that he had a job lined up for him. Tuppy's friend, a Mr. Bulstrode, needed a secretary, and he asked him to consider Ukridge.

After Tuppy had left, Ukridge, now lacking a top hat for Ascot, looked out the window at the cruel world. Suddenly, he spotted a gentleman in tails and a top hat on the street looking at the building numbers. This man had to be Bulstrode, come to see Ukridge about taking the job.

Ukridge answered the door and let the gentleman in. He observed that the man was about his build and the top hat looked appealing. The man was hardly in the flat when Stanley told him he had some stain on the back of his coat. Ukridge helped the man take of his coat and in the blink of an eye had scooped up the top hat and was rushing downstairs as he put on the coat.

Stanley was hurrying down the street when the man stuck his head out of the flat's window and yelled for Ukridge to stop. Stanley did not stop and took a taxi to Ascot to meet Mabel. It was at Ascot and looking for Mabel that Ukridge bumped into George Tupper.

Tuppy remarked that he was glad to see Stanley, and apologetic that his friend Bulstrode had hired another person for his job. Ukridge could not understand this statement. Bulstrode, he knew, was at his flat where he had come about the job.

The answer to this mystery came when the Baronet rival to Mabel's affections appeared, hailing Ukridge. He asked if Stanley had seen Mabel and her father. Stanley replied that he thought her father was in Singapore on a business trip.

No, the Baronet replied, the father was back and Mabel had sent him down to Ukridge's flat to personally take him to Ascot. It now dawned on Ukridge that this was the well-dressed fellow whom he had stolen his topper and coat.

Ukridge quietly disappeared from Ascot and the next thing he saw, days later, was the announcement in the paper of the wedding between Mabel and the Baronet.