A Mr. Mulliner story told at the Angler's Rest pub.

The barmaid at the Angler's Rest, Miss Postlethwaite, attended church before coming to work, and it showed in her countenance, someone remarked. Church then became the subject under discussion and Mr. Mulliner was reminded of his cousin Rupert's son Anselm, a curate.

Anselm, it seems, was engaged to Myrtle Jellaby, niece of the local squire, Sir Leopold Jellaby, an old skinflint and philatelist. The plot thickens when Anselm gets word that a relative of his has passed away and left him a prized stamp collection that is insured for $5000 pounds.

Myrtle is excited about this, because Anselm does not make a lot of money in his job and it would expedite their wedding if there were more funds available. Anselm takes the collection to her uncle, Sir Leopold, whom he knows collects stamps and might possibly purchase the album.

Sir Leopold views the stamps and tells Anselm that they are basically worthless, but that he will pay Anselm $10 pounds because he is a friend. Anselm questions why a worthless collection would be insured for $5000, and Leopold tells him that he knows the vanity of collectors, and it is not uncommon for a philatelist to insure a collection for more than it's worth. Anselm does not sell his stamp album, and walks away to join Myrtle.

Myrtle cannot dismiss the idea that since the collection is insured for $5000, and if the stamps were to suddenly be stolen, she and Anselm would be $5000 richer. Anselm, as a curate, cannot condone this idea.

Myrtle, undaunted, goes to visit a parishioner, Joe Beamish, whom she knows has a dark past of being a burglar. She casually mentions Anselm's new stamp collection and how it is worth $5000 pounds. This news makes Joe's eyes widen. She continues to tell him how worried she is that they will be stolen because Anselm put them in the vicar's desktop drawer, and it has such a weak lock than anyone could break. Joe's eyes begin to brighten.

Joe Beamish sat listening to her, rubbing his chin and appearing thoughtful. Myrtle then exited and left Joe to mull it over. That night, Anselm heard a noise in the vicarage's downstairs. As he ran down to see what caused the commotion, he found the Vicar, Rev. Sidney Gooch, standing there with a black eye.

Further inquiry proved that a burglar had broken into the desktop and stolen Anselm's stamp collection. The black eye worried the Vicar and he felt that he could not appear before his flock looking the way he did. He asked Anselm to fill in for him in the Sunday service next day.

At the pulpit the following night, Anselm looked over his flock and the many regulars including his Myrtle, Joe Beamish, and others. He was in fine speaking form that night and let out a sermon about avarice, vice, and our duty to our neighbors.

When the service was over Anselm was rushed by the adoring crowd who had never been moved by such a sermon. He was hugged by Myrtle, patted on the back by one of the wardens, and another asked him for an autograph. It was then that one more figure approached Anselm as he stood talking to Myrtle. It was Joe Beamish.

He wanted to talk to Anselm in private. Myrtle, who knew what Joe wanted to talk to him about, told Joe to scram. He did not relent and told Anselm that his sermon had made him swell with remorse. Joe said he was indeed a sinner and wanted to repent. He handed to Anselm the stamp collection he had stolen and exited. Myrtle was stewing in anger knowing she had lost the $5000 pounds that would go toward their marriage.

Myrtle suggested other slightly less than honorable avenues to pursue, such as not telling the insurance company the collection was returned, and go ahead and collect. Anselm would hear none of this, and added that he saw, as Joe made his confession, a dim figure outside the door who certainly heard all.

Anselm and Myrtle heard sobs coming from someone crying outside the door. When they went to investigate, the dim figure turned out to be her uncle Leopold. Drying his tears, he told Anselm how much he had been moved by his sermon.

He said he had misled Anselm by telling him the stamp collection was worthless. He had recognized its worth and, as a collector and businessman, had offered Anselm the paltry sum from demands of avarice. He wanted to give restitution and handed Anselm a check for $10,000 pounds, twice the amount they were worth. He then left.

Myrtle quickly had Anselm endorse the check so she could hurry to the metropolis to deposit it in the bank. Uncle Leopold, she knew, was liable to have some afterthoughts about the check once the sermon had worn off, and possibly put a stop-payment on it. To deposit the check so quickly would avoid, she said, any rannygazoo.

Anselm kissed her fondly and said that, yes, if there was one thing they could certainly do with less of, it was rannygazoo. He then handed her the endorsed check and bid her farewell as she drove off.